Anatomy of a (Self) Portrait

subtitled:  Portrait of the faux-fashionista as an I-phone carrying Instagramer (Instagramista?)

 

Initial attempt.  Thoughts: “I don’t understand.  What are my pants doing.  Why are they scrunchy.  How is my scarf falling off my neck?  It’s supposed to detract from lack of makeup except for too much bronzer.  Hmm.  Maybe I should brush my hair.  Do I even own a brush?”

 

Attempt 2 (or 5..).  Thoughts:  “I look perfectly natural, as if I had my phone in hand, casually walked by a mirror, and just turned and took a quick snap.  No effort at all.  My legs are pigeon toed in as far as possible without looking like I have serious ankle issues, which creates perfect skinny leg illusion (am aware legs are not large, but they do have muscles; muscles are pretty cool).  Head is cocked to the side, arm is on hip, scarf is draped right, I think I finally have a winner.  Still need to do something about my face.  Maybe I should buy a brush?”

“No…this is why the internet was invented.  Purely so an app could be made that makes you look good no matter what you look like in person!  Throw some filters on it.”

 

Final production.  Thoughts:  “By no means a work of art, but effectively makes my face blurry enough that you can’t really tell if there are dark circles under my eyes, or if it’s the lighting.  Blurs my hair enough so I never have to buy a brush (score), and makes everything look even more natural and uncontrived!”

One of the memes currently circulating encapsulated this process perfectly.  “Oh, you’re a model, are you?  Who’s your agent- Instagram?”.  I laugh because I am one of many who will apply filter after filter, until I’m like a supermodel!  In my own eyes, anyways.  To everyone else it may just be a blurry picture, but to me it’s a casual, effervescent snapshot.  That took 30 minutes to perfect/make worse than before.

Scarf- Forever 21 (has held up awesomely) Shirt- Gap white button up Belt- Trusty old camo belt, which I currently cannot find, makes me slightly sad, probably in a pair of pants somewhere, as is not in belt box or on belt hanger.  Jeans/Pants- Current/Elliott skinny cargo in Army (sold out everywhere I looked).  Boots- Rag and Bone Newbury (thus the odd scrunch- they have the fold-over top).  Jewelry- my usual combo of Bing Bang bracelets and cuffs, Jennifer Meyer delicate rings, Cartier ring and bracelet, delicate silver ring from Mexico I found when my parents gave me a box of things after they sold childhood home (so I am assuming they got it for me a very long time ago, or I attached sentimental value arbitrarily to a random object), and Hermes watch.